My older sister came for a visit this past weekend and it was truly nice to see her. It seems as if our relationship has been strained since she has gone off to college but, she has assured me she still loves me more than ever. We hung out and she even allowed me to take a nap next to her. Of course, what she did not know was that although my eyes were closed I was not really sleeping. I could hear the conversation she was having with our Mom; topics ranging from boys to a television show my Mom was watching. Then it happened, my name popped up in their conversation. It seemed my sister was expressing concern as she feels I may still be grieving over my best friend.
I am not going to lie, I honestly can admit that I do miss Layla. She was my world. From the moment I came into my family’s life Layla was there. I love my family very much but, life has not been the same since Layla’s passing. I have forgotten what it feels like to laugh, an honest laugh not one forced to give because my brother or my mom are playing with me. Layla’s jokes and her funny antics were what kept me going through our days alone at home. She bullied me with love and showed me courage. I know that a major part of my ailing health issues that were occurring during the latter parts of last year was what I have heard my sister and my mom state was depression. I was depressed because my Mom and brother had moved out and due to financial constraints they were unable to take me with them at that given moment. What they do not know is that my heart was still suffering from the loss of my friend. I had not had enough time to heal before taken on the feeling of abandonment again. Along with my depression, I was holding onto some severe anger issues. I know that it was not Layla’s fault she had been diagnosed with heartworms but, I was angry at Layla for having them. I was angry at the world! I was angry with myself because I started feeling that maybe there could have been something I could have done to save her. I was angry with myself because there was a small piece of me that was happy it wasn’t me. I know that was selfish of me however; honestly I think Layla knew that her “Mommy Bear” instinct was to protect me and she knew that my Grandparents had a better chance with dealing with her passing instead of my brother had it been me.
Layla appeared to me in a dream a few nights ago. This dream was magical, in it we had found ourselves gracefully running through the park and the bully that she was was making fun of some of the other dogs there. We found ourselves laughing about an incident a few years ago where my family had dressed her up in a spider costume. I can tell you all she was not happy that day, yet, because she knew it brought her family joy she put her feelings aside and wore that spider costume with pride. Then the dream was over. I woke up crying and at that moment I felt a warm embrace and through the glare of the moon peeking through my mom’s bedroom blinds I saw her, I saw Layla smiling upon me. I know now that she will always be with me and in about ten to twelve years I will get to play with her again in the most greenest fields up in Heaven.
I still miss you and think of you every day Layla!