Life’s grand Chaotic scheme

I recently received a phone call from someone who I was trying deeply to forget. His name is Krueger and most of you who have been keeping up with me know that he hurt me beyond words. He was the one who “broke up” with me via a post card after he had moved to another state. I was watching my beloved General Hospital when the phone rang and my mom mentioned it was for me. I sat up and asked her who it was. I have been expecting a call from my cousin who is to be coming into town for a visit next week so we can party at Fiesta. My mom in her sweet voice replied, “I am not sure Bells but he sounds very cute.” I was confused as to why there was a boy on the other line, let alone asking for me. Let me stop here and make note how much I despise the fact that I don’t have my own cell phone. I just think it is very unfair seeing as both my sister and brother have one. Okay back on track…the confusion in part because I am currently not dating anyone nor have I given my number out. The curiosity got the best of me as I pried the phone away from my mother’s grip. “Bell’s here.” I whispered into the receiver. “It’s Krueger” he responded. I held my breath for a few seconds then I bellowed out in my most feminine voice “Go to Hell!” and hung up. Now, I know that my mom has raised me to conduct myself in a much more pleasant demeanor but he struck a chord. How dare he call after three years. The audacity in him! Had he already forgotten the pain he subjected me too?

I took a few deep breaths and made my way back onto the sunken spot on our blue jean sofa. Due to the short time frame I was gone the area was still warm from my body. I snuggled right back in and pressed the play button. A few hours later I retreated to my bedroom and checked my email one last time before night became day. By the way, if anyone is still struggling with ideas of what to get me for Christmas (yes, I know it is still many months away but we all plan) I would like my very own laptop. I have to use my mom’s and I can only use it when she is present because she likes to see what websites I peruse. She tells me she does it for my own safety since I am still young. Did she not forget that I just had a birthday and I turned 5!? I log in to my email and behold I find this!



April 15, 2015 at 9:20 pm


Words can not express the sincerity of my apology. I tried on many occasions to write to you and could never muster up the courage to press the send button. I have letters upon letters who never secured a post stamp on them. I have broken many phones because I start off dialing your number and then I get so upset with myself and throw the phone against any hard stationary subject. I am sorry…I can put this on repeat for the remainder of my days and it still would not be enough. I went about doing things the wrong way. I should have came clean with you last year. I got scared. I bolted. My dad was given a great new employment opportunity and it would have been dumb for him not to take it. Although he gave me the option of staying behind so we could continue to see where “we” were heading, I was afraid of the unknown. Who am I kidding, I was afraid of the known. I knew that our relationship was progressing in the best way possible, I had even discussed us living together with a close friend. I was stupid, I don’t know how else to say it.

My family and I will be moving back at the end of May and I was hoping that we could meet up over some coffee. I understand if you decide you never want to see me again but please look deep into your heart and say yes. I am not trying to say let us get back together but is it out of the question to at least be friends? Friendship after all is the backbone of any relationship.



HA! This fool must think I am mental. I would never travel back on that road or would I?

Contemplation at its best….



4 thoughts on “Life’s grand Chaotic scheme

    • Thank you Gina for the comment. I most certainly do know my worth. Although my mom raised me better than this…a part of me just wants to dangle a t-bone steak his way and then as he is near scarf it down myself.
      Continue on my journey and sign up to follow my blog.

    • So true Dani! I am most definitely over him. That Pit Bull can go and ruffle up someone else’s feathers…paws.
      Continue on my journey and sign up to follow my blog.

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